"a-sis-toll"

Having just arrived back at the nurse's station from a room with a cardiac/tele patient with impending need of a bi-ventricular pacer, to see Unit coordinator staring at tele monitor with a puzzled look on her face-
U.C.: "What's a-sis-toll?"

ME (With a snap of my head that should have by all means broke my neck to look at the monitor): "!!!!!!!"

I BRISKLY walk (hospital rule # 25 that they don't teach you until you have already broke it- DO NOT RUN unless you are sure it is an emergency by HOSPITAL standards.) to the large male cardiac patient's room. Round, red-faced, sweaty pt is sitting on the edge of the bed, smiling and chatting with his wife, just as I had left him.

ME: "Dude (substitute pt first name)! Where are all of your telemetry leads?"

PATIENT: " Oh you mean those wire-y thingys? Well, they just kept falling off me, so I put 'em back on for you. Only I couldn't quite remember where they went, so I just put them all right here...."
Patient lifts up his T-shirt to reveal all of his tele leads, stuck in a single horizontal line just under his navel, like a sticky-white plastic-y wire belt.

ME: "Sigh. Nice fashion statement but not so effective for monitoring your heart. Mind if we put them back where they are supposed to be?...."